allow me to introduce you to my newest friend

<3 href="http://www.hello.com/" target="ext">

philips audio jukebox hdd100/17...holds up to 3500 songs, can play for 10 hours straight...

"God is...faithful, forgiving, and friendly"

well this youth trip was rather eventful...to say the least. there was lots of talking,listening, singing, yelling, fighting,rule breaking and tardiness. ha. it almost didn't feel like a "youth trip" though because another larger local youth group was there and i go to skool w/most of them; that was a good thing because i dont get along w/alot of our youth group so there was other ppl to talk to but i also didn't like it because i went up there trying to get away from the moody shit and it followed me through a few of those ppl. despite the opinions of many other ppl at my church, my favorite speaker was the last guy...he was hilarious...and i liked his whole view on frienship even though he left out the part about needing them, lol. but yea, i got big lessons in patience and forgiveness and learned a bit about true friends. o yea, hey michael it was fun hangin out w/ya minus the part where you were an asshole, jk...thanks for being there for me!

25 hours and counting

::nausea::headache::tears::...i have the urge to lick some jumper cables or something. the past 2 days have been "bittersweet" i guess, being out of moody helped me get my mind off of things a little...too bad evey time i remembered, it hit me very hard. its all i can do right now not to pick up the phone, but i cant, it'll only make things worse...michael-your advice better be true. i finally got the mp3 player to work...turns out my dads computer doesn't have a sound card and that was fudging it up...i wasted 2 hours on the phone with 2 different foreign customer service guys with the volume on their phone entirely too low only to find out i wasn't using the right computer...it worked on the first try here. w/in the past 3 hours i've put 222 songs by 35 artists on it, w00t! i saw Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events tonight...it was really good even though i'm not a big jim carrey fan. there was a quote that really struck me in it so i'm going to close with that. o yea, i wont be posting for a few days, goin on a youth retreat to gatlinburg...cant decide if its a good or bad thing. i need to get away to cope with things, but at the same time i want to just stay here and sleep and watch movies.anyways....talk to ya'll later...

Violet Baudelaire: At times the world may seem like an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe us when we say that there is much more good in it than bad... and what may seem like a series of unfortunate events might, in fact, be the first steps of a journey.

thank you for holding, we appologize for the delay

still dont feel like explaining whats going on...it does seem though that horrible "luck"(or whatever you want to call it) is following me relentlessly with a vengeance. my aunt and uncle's lexus caught on fire just after they left the house yesterday(that was pretty crazy, its a good thing they weren't in it and they hadn't already left for the lake house). still finding it hard to sleep, that deep nausea feeling thats been with me since that night is fading(well for the moment). i woke up to the sound of grinding metal/breaking glass/screaming, 2 cars wrecked right outside my window at about 7:30 this morning...what a pleasant way to start the day off. if that wasn't depressing enough, i went back to sleep and had a dream about him; thus waking up only feeling worse. i've been on hold for atleast the last 30 minutes waiting for a philips service representative to become available to assist me...i got this really awesome mp3 player yesterday, but when i put it together and loaded the songs on it and hit "play" it froze up; so i reset went through all the menus, found another song, hit "play", and once again it froze...so i called to fix it and here i am on hold...waiting...always waiting...

how depressing is this? the most exciting/joyful/happy holiday of the year has brought me more pain than i could ever imagine was possible. this definitely tops it guys...last night was horrible but right now it seems to just be going downhill...i might explain some when i can fully compose myself, right now i'm running on 3 hours of sleep and am very upset...pray for me please

in all honesty...today is now ranked in my book as the worst day of my life so far...i cant go into details...7 minutes till tomorrow and the hope that comes with a new day...

Spin around me like a dream we played out on this movie screen,And I said,Did you know I missed you?

nothing extremely special happened today(but hey-what else is new, right?)...aawwee-i was in target and amongst all the mental(i mean it w/the most seriousness...i almost got smashed between 2 shopping carts because people are idiots) christmas shoppers i saw this (fairly attractive)guy(app. my age) walking around with (what i assume to be) his little brother(about 3 yrs old), i didn't really get a good look at them but i did notice it was cute ya know(aawwee brothers being nice to eachother, lol)...and a few minutes later i was lookin at the movies and they came up and were standing by me and went to walk around me and the little boy was like "excuse me" and i looked down and he was grinning so big! it was so adorable!(yes that was definitely a "had to have been there" story i just told, first one in years...what am i turning into) anyways, i decided that if i were to ever have a kid(which i dont plan to...that will more than likely change later), i want him to look just like that little boy...lol...ok i'll stop the nonsense now

6 DAYS AND COUNTING

i'm going to punch you in the ovary.......................right in the babymaker

HECK YES!NAPOLEON DYNAMITE COMES OUT ON VIDEO TODAY!!!

Memorable Quotes from
Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

Kid on Bus: What are you gonna do today, Napoleon?
Napoleon Dynamite: Whatever I feel like I wanna do, gosh!

---

Napoleon Dynamite: Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home.
Uncle Rico: She didn't tell me anything.
Napoleon Dynamite: Too bad, she said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak.
Uncle Rico: I'm not goin' anywhere, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: Get off my property!
Uncle Rico: It's a free country. I can do whatever I want.
Napoleon Dynamite: Get off my property or I'll call the cops on you.
Uncle Rico: Well then do it! Go on!
Napoleon Dynamite: Maybe I will, GOSH!

---

Napoleon Dynamite: Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip.
Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.
Napoleon Dynamite: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.
Kip: Try and hit me, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: What?
Kip: I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me.

---

Uncle Rico: So what do you think?
Kip: It's pretty cool, I guess.
Uncle Rico: Ohhhh, man I wish I could go back in time. I'd take state.
Napoleon Dynamite: This is pretty much the worst video ever made.
Kip: Napoleon, like anyone can even know that.
Uncle Rico: You know what, Napoleon? You can leave.
Napoleon Dynamite: You guys are retarded!

---

Rex: At Rex Kwan Do, we use the buddy system. No more flying solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times. Second off, you're gonna learn to discipline your image. You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan over here?
[points to Napoleon]
Rex: Take a look at what I'm wearing, people. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys? Forget about it. Last off, my students will learn about self respect. You think anybody thinks I'm a failure because I go home to Starla at night? Forget about it!

---

Don: Hey, Napoleon. What did you do last summer again?
Napoleon Dynamite: I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines!
Don: Did you shoot any?
Napoleon Dynamite: Yes, like 50 of 'em! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that?
Don: What kind of gun did you use?
Napoleon Dynamite: A freakin' 12-gauge, what do you think?

---

Deb: And here we have some boondoggle key chains. A must-have for this season's fashion.
Napoleon Dynamite: I already made like infinity of those at scout camp.

---

Napoleon Dynamite: You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bowstaff.

---

Napoleon Dynamite: Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it cause I can't fit my nunchucks in there anymore.

---

Napoleon Dynamite: I see you're drinking 1% milk. Is that because you think you're fat? Because you're not. You could probably be drinking whole milk.

---

Napoleon Dynamite: Do the chickens have large talons?
Farmer: Do they have what?
Napoleon Dynamite: Large talons.
Farmer: I don't understand a word you just said.

---

Pedro: Do you think people will vote for me?
Napoleon Dynamite: Heck yes! I'd vote for you.
Pedro: Like what are my skills?
Napoleon Dynamite: Well, you have a sweet bike. And you're really good at hooking up with chicks. Plus you're like the only guy at school who has a mustache.

---

Trisha: Thanks for the beautiful drawing. It's hanging in my room right now.
Napoleon Dynamite: Really? It took me like three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip. It's probably the best drawing I've ever done.

---

Rex: I'm Rex, founder of the Rex Kwan Do self-defense system! After one week with me in my dojo, you'll be prepared to defend yourself with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.

---

Napoleon Dynamite: How long did it take you to grow that moustache?
Pedro: A couple of days.

---

Napoleon Dynamite: Pedro, how do you feel about that one?
Pedro: It looks nice.
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, it looks pretty sweet. It looks awesome. It's incredible.

---

Uncle Rico: So how are things going with you and your girlfriend?
Kip: Well, I think it's getting pretty serious. We chat online for like two hours a day so yeah, you could say it's getting pretty serious.

---

Napoleon Dynamite: Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills. You know, like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills...

---

Grandma: How was school?
Napoleon Dynamite: The worst day of my life, what do you think?

---

Napoleon Dynamite: What kind of bike do you have?
Pedro: It's a sledgehammer.
Napoleon Dynamite: Dang!... You ever take it off any sweet jumps?
Napoleon Dynamite: [Cut to Pedro jumping] You got like three feet of air that time.

---

Deb: What are you drawing?
Napoleon Dynamite: A liger.
Deb: What's a liger?
Napoleon Dynamite: It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic.

---

Napoleon Dynamite: Tina, you fat lard, come get some DINNER!... Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD!

---

Napoleon Dynamite: Tina, come get some ham.

---

Deb: Are they still letting you run for president?
Pedro: Yes. I don't understand... they say you're not allowed to have pinatas that look like real people, but in Mexico, we do it all the time.

---

Napoleon Dynamite: Pedro offers you his protection.

---

Napoleon Dynamite: I caught you a delicious bass.

---

Pedro: If I win, you can be my secretary or something.
Napoleon Dynamite: Sweet!

---

Deb: I'm trying to raise money to go to college.
Kip: [from the background] Your mom goes to college.

---

Uncle Rico: How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?... Yeah... Coach woulda put me in fourth quarter, we would've been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind.

---

Napoleon Dynamite: [drinks glass of milk] The defect in this one is bleach.
FFA Judge No. 1: That's right.
Napoleon Dynamite: Yessssssssss.
Napoleon Dynamite: [drinks second glass of milk] This one tastes like the cow got into an onion patch.
FFA Judge No. 2: Correct.
Napoleon Dynamite: Yessssssssss.

---

Deb: [setting up Uncle Rico for a glamor shot] This is looking really good.
Kip: You can say that again.

---

[Deb is making a glamour shot of Uncle Rico]
Deb: Okay, turn you head on more of a slant...
[all three turn their heads in a slant]
Deb: Now, make a fist. Slowly ease it up underneath your chin.
[All three slowly ease up fists under their chins]
Deb: This is looking really good.
Kip: You can say that again.
[Uncle Rico acknowledges]
Deb: Kay, hold still right there. Now, just imagine you're weightless, in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by tiny little seahorses.
[Uncle Rico pictures it and give a gleaming look at the camera]
Deb: [takes the picture] That was one that I think is gonna come out really nice.
Uncle Rico: Ah, how you did it... wow... well I felt really relaxed. Thanks Deb.
[Uncle Rico puts his fist down, then swats a fly]
Uncle Rico: You're up Kip.
Kip: Is there some kind of vest that I can wear?
[makes gesture of putting on a vest]

---

Napoleon Dynamite: I like your sleeves. They're real big.
Deb: Thank you. I made them myself.
Napoleon Dynamite: So you and Pedro getting really serious now?

---

Napoleon Dynamite: Who are you gonna ask to the dance?
Pedro: That girl right there.
Napoleon Dynamite: Summer Wheatly? How the heck are you gonna do that?
Pedro: Build her a cake or something.

---

Nathan: Napoleon, give me some of your tots.
Napoleon Dynamite: No, go find your own.
Nathan: Come on, give me some of your tots.
Napoleon Dynamite: No, I'm freakin' starving! I didn't get to eat anything today.
Nathan: [kicks the tots]
Napoleon Dynamite: Ugh! Gross! Freakin' idiot!

---

Kip: I'm just really trying to raise a few bucks now so I can bring her out for a few days.
Uncle Rico: Yeah, well what does she look like?
Kip: She's uh... she's got sandy blonde hair. She's uh... pretty good looking face, but I'm just getting really... just kinda TO'd because... I mean she hasn't even sent me a full body shot yet.

---

Napoleon Dynamite: Hey can I use your guys's phone for a sec?
Secretary No. 1: Is there anything wrong?
Napoleon Dynamite: I don't feel very good.
[takes telephone and dials number]
Kip: [making nachos on the other line] Hi.
Napoleon Dynamite: Is grandma there?
Kip: No, she's getting her hair done.
Napoleon Dynamite: Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Kip: What do you need?
Napoleon Dynamite: Can you just go get her for me?
Kip: I'm really busy right now.
Napoleon Dynamite: Just tell her to come get me.
Kip: Why?
Napoleon Dynamite: Cause I don't feel good!
Kip: Well, have you talked to the school nurse?
Napoleon Dynamite: No, she doesn't know anything. Will you just come get me?
Kip: No.
Napoleon Dynamite: Well, will you do me a favor then? Can you bring me my chapstick?
Kip: No, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: But my lips hurt real bad!
Kip: Just borrow some from the school nurse. I know she has like five sticks in her drawer.
Napoleon Dynamite: I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko!
Kip: See ya.
Napoleon Dynamite: Ugh! Idiot!

---

Napoleon Dynamite: Well, what is there to eat?
Grandma: Knock it off Napoleon, just make yourself a dang quesa-dilluh!

---

Deb: It's Deb. And I'm calling to let you know that I think you're a shallow friend.
Napoleon Dynamite: What the heck are you even talking about?

---

Napoleon Dynamite: Deb just called me. She pretty much hates me by now.
Pedro: Why?
Napoleon Dynamite: Because my uncle Rico's an IDIOT.
Pedro: Do you have anything to give to her?
Napoleon Dynamite: No. Not unless she likes fish.

---

Pedro: Who was that?
Napoleon Dynamite: Trisha.
Pedro: Who's she?
Napoleon Dynamite: My woman I'm taking to the dance.
Pedro: Did you draw her a picture?
Napoleon Dynamite: Heck yes I did.

---

Napoleon Dynamite: My old girlfriend from Oklahoma was gonna fly out for the dance but she couldn't cause she's doing some modeling right now.
Pedro: Is she hot?
Napoleon Dynamite: See for yourself.
[hands him Deb's glamor shot sample]
Pedro: Wow.
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, I took her to the mall to get some glamor shots for her birthday one year.
Pedro: I like her bangs.
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, me too.

---

Don: Vote for Summer.
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, right, I'm not voting for her.
Don: Then who you gonna vote for?
Napoleon Dynamite: I'm voting for Pedro Sanchez, who do you think?
[Don scoffs and walks away]
Napoleon Dynamite: Hey, Don. Can I have one of those buttons?
[Don hands Napoleon a "Vote 4 Summer" button]
Napoleon Dynamite: [Napoleon tosses it across the hall, stares at Don, and runs away]

---

Napoleon Dynamite: You guys having a killer time?

---

[Kip and Lafawnduh's wedding; Kip singing]
Kip: Yes, I love technology But not as much as you, you see But I still love technology, Always and forever. Always and forever.

---

[Kip is singing to Lafawnduh after they are pronounced husband and wife]
Kip: Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever... We met in a chatroom, now our love can fully bloom... Sure the world wide web is great, but you, you make my salivate... I love technology, but not as much as you, you see... But I STILL love technology... Always and forever. Our love is like a flock of doves, flying up to heaven above... always and forever, always and forever... Why do you need me? Why do you love me? Always and forever...

---

Napoleon Dynamite: What are you doing here, Uncle Rico?
Uncle Rico: Grandma took a little spill at the sand dunes today. Broke her coccyx.

---

Uncle Rico: Kip, I reckon... you know a lot about... cyberspace? You ever come across anything... like time travel?
Kip: Easy, I've already looked into it for myself.
Uncle Rico: Right on... right on.

---

[Napoleon Dynamite straps himself into the time machine]
Kip: So are you ready?
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, hold on... I forgot to put in the crystals.

---

Uncle Rico: Just a little east of the cemetery is a good little area, but don't go down here cause they don't have any money.
Kip: So how long are we talking about working?
Uncle Rico: What are you already losing your steam?
Kip: No, I just... I have a chat room meeting at 4. I gotta be back here by then.
Uncle Rico: Alright, you just start a little earlier, that's all. Or else work afterwards. How long is the chat room?
Kip: Jeez, sometimes up to 3-4 hours maybe... Maybe not.
Uncle Rico: You pay the bills for that? Does that cost money every time you're on, like for minutes on the phone?
Kip: Yeah, grandma's still paying per minute. She gets kinda pissed at me sometimes cause I'm on there so long.
Uncle Rico: I bet she does. I'll tell you something, I'd be throwing you out the window.

---

Kip: So when's grandma coming back?
Uncle Rico: I don't know. Not sure.
Napoleon Dynamite: You don't have to stay here with us, we're not babies.
Uncle Rico: Ha ha! Talk to your antie Carolyn.
Napoleon Dynamite: Kip is like 32 years old.
Kip: I don't mind if you stay.

---

Teacher: Your current event, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: Last week, Japanese scientists explaced... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Lochness to blow Nessy out of the water. Sir Godfrey of the Nessy Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.

---

Kip: [typing a poem on his computer] Your sandy hair floats in the air... To me it's like a lullaby... I'm just flying by... Oh so high... like a kite...

---

Uncle Rico: Napoleon, you know we can't afford the fun pack. What, do you think money grows on trees in this family? Take it back! And get some pampers for you and your brother while you're at it.

---

[Napoleon rides up to Kip and LaFawnduh's wedding on a horse]
Napoleon Dynamite: Sorry I'm late. I just got done taming a wild honeymoon stallion for you guys.

---

Napoleon Dynamite: [referring to Pedro's bike] It's got shocks... pegs... lucky!

---

Napoleon Dynamite: [to Pedro] Just follow your heart. That's what I do.

---

Napoleon Dynamite: [while hitch-hiking] Are you guys like Rico's cousins with the sweet hook-up?

Luke 11:9-13

9 Accordingly I say to you, Keep on asking, and it will be given you; keep on seeking, and you will find; keep on knocking, and it will be opened to you. 10 For everyone asking receives, and everyone seeking finds, and to everyone knocking it will be opened. 11 Indeed, which father is there among you who, if his son asks for a fish, will perhaps hand him a serpent instead of a fish? 12 Or if he also asks for an egg, will hand him a scorpion? 13 Therefore, if you, although being wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more so will the Father in heaven give holy spirit to those asking him!”

Hold on, hold on to yourself, for this is gonna hurt like hell.

i dont really know what to say... but i need someone to talk to and no one is online/answering their phone so here i am. wow, where to begin...you know your life is spinning out of control when your best friend isn't speaking to you, your boyfriend is breaking up with you, and one of the ppl your supposed to dislike most(vice versa) speaks to you for no apparent reason down at the wally world. how did i let things get so f'd up? how am i supposed to fix this mess? those 2 questions have been in my head all day and i have concluded that- I DON'T EFFIN KNOW...

rant

"you put yourself in stupid places

yes I think you know it's true

situations where it's easy to look down on you

I think you like to be the victim

i think you like to be in pain

i think you make yourself the victim

almost every single day



you do what you do

you say what you say

you try to be everything to everyone

you know all the right people

you play all the right games

you always try to be

everything to everyone



spin around and fall down

do it again

you stumble and you fall

yeah why won't you ever learn

spin around and fall down

do it again

you stumble and you fall

i wonder if you will ever learn



why won't you ever learn"



it irritates me tremendously when people get mad at me for something that i cannot control...

that something itself drives me insane...

once again i have failed miserably at the 2 things i try the hardest at

WATCH IT!

i just got done watching this movie and its so on my list now...even if its all in french w/english subtitles...i highly recommend it

the more the light shines through me, i pretend to close my eyes

to sumarize today>>>crazy-me and josh spent about 13 hours together-went out to breakfast and dinner, went to the mall, went to 5 points(charlemagne/bailey brothers/mellow mushroom), watched Godsend and amidst it all missed our exit once(thus making josh late for his exam), got totally lost twice(both in downtown bham at night), went the wrong way down a one way street, and ran a red light...great great fun...

wellp

ok there were pictures but josh didn't appreciate the idea so i removed them...if you want to see them that bad i might make an exception and i/m em to ya...though i'm sure most of you are appreciative of my removal.

PICTURES!!!

ok so i think me and josh are officially the least photogenic ppl ever. that doesn't look like us at all...but it is. the pics are also entirely too blurry...probably for the better, haha. he actually looks taller than me in the first one,w00t!on the second one i'm definitely on his back, i'm not THAT much taller than him.

allow me to introduce you

ah sweet Ophelia

hehe, this is my 3d model from a scene from Hamlet...its Ophelia laying dead in the stream after she drowned picking flowers...i thought it looked pretty nifty so i decided to share.

"I hope all will be well. We must be patient: but I
cannot choose but weep, to think they should lay him
i' the cold ground. My brother shall know of it:
and so I thank you for your good counsel. Come, my
coach! Good night, ladies; good night, sweet ladies;
good night, good night. "
Ophelia

and I would be the one, to hold you down, kiss you so hard, I'll take your breath away,and after, I'd wipe away the tears,just close your eyes dear

today was awesome! skool went by rather smoothly(surprisingly), i didn't have to do my history oral report, yay! after skool, josh came over and we watched "i, robot" while i made made my hamlet model. then we went to the pageant(paul- you were awesome!). and after that we went and ate at chang's.woohoo!

"You're so beautiful
With an edge and charm
but so careful
When I'm in your arms"
-Sarah Mclachlan

"Porphyria's Lover"-Robert Browning

The rain set early in to-night,
The sullen wind was soon awake,
It tore the elm-tops down for spite,
And did its worst to vex the lake:
I listen'd with heart fit to break.
When glided in Porphyria; straight
She shut the cold out and the storm,
And kneel'd and made the cheerless grate
Blaze up, and all the cottage warm;
Which done, she rose, and from her form
Withdrew the dripping cloak and shawl,
And laid her soil'd gloves by, untied
Her hat and let the damp hair fall,
And, last, she sat down by my side
And call'd me. When no voice replied,
She put my arm about her waist,
And made her smooth white shoulder bare,
And all her yellow hair displaced,
And, stooping, made my cheek lie there,
And spread, o'er all, her yellow hair,
Murmuring how she loved me—she
Too weak, for all her heart's endeavour,
To set its struggling passion free
From pride, and vainer ties dissever,
And give herself to me for ever.
But passion sometimes would prevail,
Nor could to-night's gay feast restrain
A sudden thought of one so pale
For love of her, and all in vain:
So, she was come through wind and rain.
Be sure I look'd up at her eyes
Happy and proud; at last I knew
Porphyria worshipp'd me; surprise
Made my heart swell, and still it grew
While I debated what to do.
That moment she was mine, mine, fair,
Perfectly pure and good: I found
A thing to do, and all her hair
In one long yellow string I wound
Three times her little throat around,
And strangled her. No pain felt she;
I am quite sure she felt no pain.
As a shut bud that holds a bee,
I warily oped her lids: again
Laugh'd the blue eyes without a stain.
And I untighten'd next the tress
About her neck; her cheek once more
Blush'd bright beneath my burning kiss:
I propp'd her head up as before,
Only, this time my shoulder bore
Her head, which droops upon it still:
The smiling rosy little head,
So glad it has its utmost will,
That all it scorn'd at once is fled,
And I, its love, am gain'd instead!
Porphyria's love: she guess'd not how
Her darling one wish would be heard.
And thus we sit together now,
And all night long we have not stirr'd,
And yet God has not said a word!

Is there another side,Beyond the black and white,Place I could meet you by,Place on the other side

wow, what a weekend have i got to look forward to....not. lets see, i have to work on a 5 page history report. then make a 3d model on Hamlet that got dumped on me by my "partner" i seemed to acquire after specifically stating "i'm going solo on this one". tomorrow is play practice from 10-2, thus preventing me from being able to do anything with josh all weekend because thats the only time we'd have to do something together. then sunday is church in the morning, play practice/preparation all afternoon, and then finally the play that night.

Suckers lose themselves in the games they learn to play

allright so i've named today "fight with your object of affection" day. that seemed to be all that went on, schoolwide. at the beginning of 3rd block, two of my best friends(dating) get in a fight at lunch. we get back in the classroom and by the end of the block the "piss off" virus hits me and josh like a freakin brick. as i'm walking to my 4th block class i get behind a slow-walking, arguing couple. and finally in 4th block, there is once again another couple fighting. somethin i did notice though, with all of them it seemed to be the girl appologizing, how ironic.

you do you do you do you do you do you do you do you make me want you

ok so every once in a while i have to break down and do a josh post. he is amazing...as abusive as we seem to be when we're together at skool, it really does tone down a little when we're just out by ourselves(believe it or not)...i have yet to figure out what i've done to deserve him, but either way i'm utterly thankful...i'll stop now...

i came, i drove, i conquered

allright, so just up my driveway theres about a quarter of a mile of dirt road at an inclination of like 85 degrees. over the summer i was coming down that hill in the van and uumm decided to take my foot off the brake completely and ended up in the ditch....hadn't driven back down since then, until today. i made it down without any problems, yay!

all i want for christmas...

a girl can dream now cant she?

Use a smile as a noun and I think like a verb

"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing. "

-Macbeth-
William Shakespeare

CAUTION!STUDENT DRIVER!!!111!!!(episode 2)

i am sorry to say this will be my last episode, but i have officially finished my driving. i know you may get a little emotional when i am done telling about today's experience(but remember, all good things must come to an end), its definitely not as exciting as yesterday but you'll live, i'm sure. only one other person was driving w/me today; yep you guessed it, me and the stalker. alone. ok there was a teacher too, but still, its more alone than i ever want to get with him. if that wasn't bad enough in itself, he was going to get off the interstate and as he looked back to make sure it was clear to enter the exit ramp, he drifted a little into the lane to the left just as a massive 18-wheeler whizzed by. as he pulled up to the stop sign at the top of the exit ramp my teacher decided to inform him that if he had pulled further into that lane towards the purple death wagon, we would all be "splattered" across the pavement right now.mmmmm, what a pleasant thought. my turn, i'm going to go ahead and tell you that it got off the a bad start, i didn't do anything wrong though. "i just cant drive under these conditions," i thought to myself as i eased out of the parking lot of Shaw's...not only due to my immense headache, slowly fading voice, and the ability breathe only from one nostril, but also the radio was of course on 104.7, blaring "if heaven ain't alot like dixie" and my trusty educational influence was next to me singing along. i did allright on the actual driving, but dont worry, i ended with a bang. we got to the skool and he asked me to pop the trunk and totally gave me the wrong instructions as to which button it was,and yes, i popped the hood...ha. thank god its over. ::happy dance::

CAUTION!STUDENT DRIVER!!!111!!!(episode 1)

I THOROGHLY LOATHE DRIVING!!!i've already taken driver's ed once(last semester) and passed it, but i am in it yet again because i needed the health credit that was only offered w/driver's ed(thats what i get for changing skools i guess). today i was unexpectedly called to BUMBUMBUM drive. i wasn't supposed to drive til next monday so, of course, i didn't have my glasses. and i got stuck in the car with 2 guys, not including my guy teacher. at the beginning of our adventure i got stuck in the back with this guy that ALWAYS hits on me in class(its disgusting). our first stop was the field house, where my teacher went in and left me alone with that crazy stalker guy in the backseat(aaaahhh),within the first 10 minutes he had already tried to strangle me with his jacket(because i was cold) and tried to put his arm around me. anyways, then it came to be my turn to drive...i find it hard to concentrate on the road when the country music is blaring(enough to give me an effin aneurism alone) and my teacher is tapping and singin to it! the worst though was the road work i had to go through...gosh, i got stuck behind a van in our little line of cars we had going around the stupid road working stuff, and they kept hitting the brakes and letting off and hitting the brakes and letting off, i was keeping my distance though; one time he jus pure slammed on the brakes but i had it under control and my teacher like freaked out. he was all ::BIG GASP ACCOMPANIED BY FUNNY HAND MOTION::...which at that point i wanted to scream "YOU GOT A FREAKIN BRAKE OF YOUR OWN RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MINE-USE YOURS!!!". we stopped and everything was kool though. no wrecks.hopefully i do not drive tomorrow, but i know my other day will come...soon.

i wasn't prepared for this

allright, lets get down to business

yesterday-was pretty awesome, went w/josh and paul to barnes & noble to get that lame book for anatomy. then me and josh went to gallyans, ross, and chik fil a;totally fun(even though i came home and got a huge lecture basically on how my grades are never high enough, how selfish i am, and my moms total judgement upon josh due to his religion, but hey it was worth it).

today-1st block we get assigned a massive gay project. 2nd block requires a post of its own.3rd block-josh wasn't there even though he said he was going to be...called him after skool only to find out he like cut all his hair off(even though everyone, including me and his parents begged him not to), gay...4th-worked the whole time...

its hard to say that i was wrong, its hard to say that i miss you

well today turned out quiet nicely if i must say so myself, despite my frantic chaos and failing attempt to obtain "the fantastic voyage"(test on it friday) and "hamlet"(start reading in class wednesday). josh totally redeemed himself from the uumm situation over the break...i think we both realized today that we missed eachother more than we thought(we hadn't been w/in 20 miles of eachother for almost a week)...absense makes the heart grow fonder?

theres a yellow brick road that we follow back home

well i hope your past few days have been awesome cause mine have...nothing but eating, sleeping, reading, and watching movies...but thats what a break is, right? too bad we have skool tomorrow. congrats michael on getting your truck!

random ramblings of my day

lets see, today i had what i've decided to call my "obsessive compulsive breakdown"; where i decided that as much of the house as possible needed to become as clean as possible as soon as possible or i was going to die or somethin...lucky for jenzen and gabriel, i didn't let them miss anyof the fun, haha. i havent yet decided what caused this lapse...it was either the procrastination fairy that was telling me i simply had to wait until later to start on that report or the conversation between me and josh about how he thinks i need to gain weight that keeps repeating itself in my head. either way, the house is a little cleaner and my ocd beast is no longer hungry. i also discovered that those dove facial thingies are virtually indestructable and dont run out of soap(no matter how much water you run through em, crazy right? and finally,old navy is currently selling the most comfortable pants in the entire world, go buy youself some.

lesson of the day #4

it is just as offensive to tell someone they need to "gain some weight" as i'm sure it is to tell someone they need to "lose some weight"...

DYNAMITE!!!

deb and napoleon

sorry guys, i had to post it...its too funny...i love it...

Blue or Green?

will this debate ever end?you must help!tell me what color is this eye?

ROLL EFFIN TIDE

well i just got back from the game and it was really great fun even though we lost 13-21 (and it rained right before we got there so my pants soaked up every drop of water that came within a mile radius of em)...its the 3rd quarter that got us,but i'm not complaining cause we were winning till then and that wasn't even expected due to the circumstances. a win would have been nice but it was almost not even an option, i mean what can ya do-auburn happens to have a good team this year and our season has sucked. auburn fans are total assholes(not that i didn't already know that...), just thought i'd clear that one up for you. o but i think the most entertaining thing(besides the whole time alabama was winning) was after the game, we were tailgaiting or whatever and our tent was set up right across the street from the auburn buses for some reason. after most of the players had boarded the bus, there was this group of about 6 or 7 girls that looked to be in their early teens wearing matching auburn windbreakers and holding what appeard to be programs, they came around to the side of one of the buses i was facing and looked in and recognized one of the players...well you know that equals an automatic HEART ATTACK. every single one of em jumped up and down and screamed and started beating on the windows screaming "I LOVE YOU!!!I LOVE YOU!!!WILL YOU SIGN THIS FOR ME!!!" one girl even got the brillant idea to ask them for their number...she looked highly intelligent jumping up and down waving her cell phone, screaming "CAN I HAVE YOUR NUMBER?!?!"...the players were pretty kool about it, they waved and stuff and went about their business...even though the girls continued to run around to the other side of the bus and back again doing the same routine about 4 or 5 more times...it was very humorous. "it was a fun night in t-town"-my dad

ROLL TIDE ROLL

well today was pretty nifty if i must say so myself...skool was skool, pep rallies are gay(another post another time...)! i finally got to go to the new ramp n speed with josh(b/f) and ed(ex b/f), how convenient, lol, jk...it was allright. its like nothing compared to the old one but it was great fun, even if all i did was watch.OMG I'M SO EXCITED-I'M GOING TO THE IRON BOWL TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!ITS GOING TO BE EFFIN AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!

i want to be the girl with the most cake

yea, the highlight of my day was dissecting the sheep heart in anatomy...actually it was kind of gross because ours had so much effin fat on it and it was like extremely greasy...gross! i went to the play too, it was pretty kool; ronnie did good, he can act really well! i'm about to go watch The Last Samuri...

suckin' on my brain, youre the teacher, i'm the student

i was listening to the radio this morning and tuttle and kline mentioned a topic that i found very interesting-Single Sex Education...at first i though to myself "OMFG!WTF!I THINK THEY'VE LOST THEY'RE EFFING MINDS!WHAT IS THIS?21ST CENTURY SEGREGATION?!?!?" so i decided to look into it and found some pretty interesting stuff. it almost sounds like a good idea...i personally think we should separate core classes; electives though might be a little extreme. i'll post some facts later. www.singlesexschools.org

Why you gotta keep the fan on high when it's cold outside?Just want to let you know that I'm still a fan, get it?

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i can't believe i forgot to post about this! ok yesterday during driver's ed this truck driver came and lectured us...well he also let us sit in his truck and stuff... it was my turn and it came time to get out and i tried to step down the steps like you would normally do and he almost had a heartattack and made me get back in the truck (after i was already halfway out) and turn around and walk down them backwards...he was not very good at trying to tell me what he wanted me to do so it took me a few minutes to figure it out, i looked/felt like a total idiot. needless today, last night i dreamed i was driving an 18-wheeler and wrecked it...i wasn't injured or anything but it wasn't exactly a pleasant dream...

all the waves of blame arrange as broken scenery, as they steal your best memories away

this week has been so crazy that all i wanted to do today was rest...and that i did. got a call at 11 this morning askin if i wanted to go to the skatepark, that fell through due to the lack of a ride there; its ok, we had a nice conversation. tried to make other plans, also fell through; took it as a sign just to stay home. my book i ordered got here! EVERYONE SHOULD BUY "GO ASK ALICE" RIGHT NOW AND READ IT! its the best book i have ever read!

lesson of the day #3

unusually affectionate guys with mullets make out with all the chicks...thats just the way it is...

(note:all the chicks, except me...just in case you were wondering)

i am thinking its a sign, that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images, and when we kiss theyre perectly alligned

yay we finally finished cat dissections! they were starting to smell HORRIBLE! we were like miles behind everyone too so we were the last ones to finish... we actually finished like just after everyone else did but josh wasn't exactly done, so my teacher let us stay in there and operate further...omg it was so funny, he was tryin to get the eye out and this guy had already tried to tell him that theres like fluid in the eye but yea, he punctured it accidentally and eye juice SHOT out! it was great! the koolest part of the whole thing was the brain though, that stuff is really awesome!the kidneys were pretty nifty too. we wont our football game so w00t for us. hahaha i went to the senior banquet, and as you prolly know- i'm not a senior(i only went because i really didnt' want to walk home alone at 10 at night and josh said he needed to talk to me)... i dont know whats going on with me and him...nothing makes sense, all i want is for him to decide what he really wants...

"worn me down"-rachael yamagata

gone-she's gone
how do you feel about it?
thats what i thought
youre real torn up about it
and i wish you the best
i could do without it
and i will because youve worn me down
oh, i will because youve worn me down

worn me down like a road
i did everything you told
worn me down to my knees
i did everything to please you
but you cant stop thinking about her
no, you cant stop thinking about her

and youre wrong. youre wrong
i'm not overreacting
something is off
why dont we ever believe ourselves?
and i, oh i, feel that word for you
and i will because youve worn me down
and i will because you have worn me down

worn me down like a road
i did everything you told
worn me down to my knees
i didn everything to please you

worn me down like a road
i did everything you told me to do
by you, you cant stop thinking about her
no, you cant stop thinking about her
no, you cant stop thinking about her
no, you cant stop thinking of her



this song freakishly describes exactly what i think is going on right now...then again i could be wrong, i really hope i'm wrong...either way its a good song and i highly recommend you d/l it...

lesson of the day #2

when your driving down the highway and you hear a loud "POP!!!" and all the cars in front of you hit their brakes, dont assume that "POP!!!" was an acorn hitting the roof of your car and continue driving because it was probably someone's tire exploding...yes, my moms friend did that today

lesson of the day numer uno a day late

allright i'm making my first lesson of the day start yesterdaybecause i learned something very vital, lol. i'll post one later for today. but anyways...lesson #1-when a guy says he needs a break from you(and its the only other option than breaking up with you), dont call him 2 days later, interrupt his movie, and waste his PRIME MINUTES asking what exactly he meant by "a break". this will anger him slightly and you'll most likely get the response "WHAT DO YOU THINK I MEANT BY A BREAK?!?!" when you say "i dont know, i'm not the one who wanted a break. you did, you tell me" he'll then give you some lame excuse like "it means not taking you home after skool, not talking to you all night on the phone, and not hanging out on the weekends; i feel really bad about this"...yes i did learn this from experience

pretty girl pt. 2

well now for a real post..but before that-hey look jay, i spiced up my blog!PICTURE YEAH!.lol...anyways...today was definitely a beautiful letdown. started off as good as its been lately...got to 3rd block and josh gave me one of his senior pics...he's really making this "break" thing hard. like as soon as i got in class he started talkin to me, then walked w/me to lunch but didn't sit at my table; talked to me almost all of class, at one time i got up to talk to nat and he sat at my desk then i got up again and the person whose desk i was sittining in reclaimed it and josh didn't move so i just sat in a chair next to my desk and talked to him while he drew on my binder. he was acting like nothing happened and so i called him this afternoon to see what his idea of a "break" was and he was being like really rude to me and stuff and i was wasting his "prime minutes" so i called back a few minutes ago and he ignored my call. i think i'm letting this get to me way too much and need to get my mind off of it, too emotionally stressful, i guess i got too attached too fast maybe. so changing the subject...a little while ago i found out my part in the xmas play, 2 lines, w00t! dave is using the fact that my purse is in the back of michael's truck to try to get me to go to that LANparty at michael's house tomorrow...haha, last lanparty i went to i effin fell asleep...i think people are making too big of a deal out of halo 2 anyways, the only thing about it that appeals to me is that Incubus plays it before they put on a show...so thats pretty kool. i think i'm gonna try to skateboard tomorrow. as of today i can officially attempt to get my LICENSE, WOOHOO...thats what i get for waiting till May to get my permit(9 months after i turned 15, haha)...kool fact-that new song by bowling for soup "1985" was originally written and recorded by SR-71, BFS happened to hear it, like it, and want to record it themselves and what'dya know...it seems to be a hit...i'm feeling talkative tonight and no ones online...ok i'll stop now

its the way that he makes you feel, its the way that he kisses you...its the way that he makes you cry, its the way that he's in your mind

yep there it is

hey look i posted a pic allllllllllll by myself. GO ME. YOU SHOULD BE SO PROUD OF ME!lol ok enough of that, yep thats the board. yes,today my neighbor went over the part that says "just joking" w/black permanent marker because it was all anti-christian like and he wrote all over the cross explaining how his board isn't satanic etc...

"i'm a fake"-the used

small, simple, safe price.
rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets.
this is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals.
and i am not afraid to die.
i'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight.
i want the pain of payment.
what's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts.
much like a slow of a thousand unwanted fucks.
would you be my little cut?
would you be my thousand fucks?
and make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid.
to fill, and spill over, and under my thoughs.
my sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter.
i'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart.
love is not like anything.
expecially a fucking knife.

look at me.
can you tell,
by the way i move and do my hair?
do think thatits me,
or is it it not me?
i dont even care.
i'm alive, i dont smell.
i'm the cleanest i have ever been.

i feel big, i feel tall, i feel dry.
dry.
just look at me, look at me now.
i'm a fake, i'm a fake, i'm a fake, i'm a fake.
just look at me, look at me now.
i'm a fake, i'm a fake, i'm fake, i'm fake

do i drink?
do i date?
i've got perfect placements.
all my ink satisfied,
in your eyes.
i'm the biggest fan that ive got right now.
i made sure that i look how i wanted to lok.
the people around me,
the people surround me.

i feel big, i feel tall, i feel dry.
dry.
just look at me, look at me now.
i'm a fake, i'm a fake, i'm fake, i'm fake.

my stomach hurts now,
and all tied off in lace.
i pray, i bed, for anything to hit me in the face.
and this sickness isnt me.
i pray to fall from grace.
th last thing i see is feeling.

and i'm telling you i'm a fake(5x)

just look at me look at me now.
i'm a fake, i'm a fake, i'm fake, i'm fake.(4x)

fake(3x)

....just thought i'd enlighten ya'll

i can't live with or without you

hhmm day 1 of break from josh...hope he's enjoying it i guess, cant say i am but i guess i cant change that.dont feel like saying anymore about that. today was just awkward...like i didn't get to talk to people i usually do and i talked to alot of people i normally dont. it doesn't sound awkward when i put it like that but i dont feel like going into detail. my constant nauseus feeling wont go away, i cant figure out whats making me sick, ugh. guess i'll write later, got some research to do

well i wish that things were so different,change it myself,its what i'll do

yep, i'm having one of those days where you feel like the world is against you. i got to skool and things turned to shht before i got out of the freakin car. i mean seriously, so much went wrong its absurd. i cant even talk about the josh situation. i felt like i was going to puke all day for multiple reasons;barely had breakfast and dinner. my mom got back in town and immediately started reminding me how self centered i am and how i make bad choices, etc...making me feel even worse than i already did, which i thought was quite impossible until it happened. went to natalie's house and helped her clean her car. then we went went to wally world and got hair dye, because, well my hair needed dying. even that turned out kinda disasterous, i got highlights and lowlights and my dirty blonde hair turned some shade of red, not that it looks bad. wow, i'm going to hug jenzens friend jordan tomorrow, she bought me a bag of m&ms for no reason(jenzen just came in and handed em to me), its the best thing that happened to me all day.

heres to the nights we felt alive

after gay misunderstandings on the phone at wee morning hours, today was great. got to sleep a little later and be lazy. washed some dishes/cleaned the kitchen a little. skateboarded. josh came over for a little while then we decided to go see a movie, we saw The Incredibles since i really really dont want to see Saw and we've both heard The Grudge was lame. the incredibles was pretty freakin funny. the best part was when one of the guys was talking to his wife and he's like "...but its for the greater good" and she's like "i'm the greatest good your ever gonna have" ...then there was this part where the bad guy was jus like "lame lame lame lame LAME" its only hilarious because thats like josh's word and now everyones gonna think he got it from that movie, lol...anyways, after all thats happened this week, i cant decide if i'm looking forward to church tomorrow; i didn't go wednesday night due to the circumstances...but yea sleep sounds so good right now...

the cup is not as empty as pessimists say...as far as i can see nothings left in the cup

holy crap today was actually pretty pleasant, yay! due to the football game last night and field trip, there weren't that many people at skool, so we didn't do much work. josh painted me an awesome picture. i got to eat dinner w/my dad which was kool cause i havent seen him since he got married back in september. i'm so glad this week is finally coming to an end!!!

i walk this boulevard of broken dreams...my shadows the only one that walks beside me

game over. i lose

well now that that little rant is over...everyone must go watch the skate video by Flip called "Really Sorry"...i think i've watched it 20 times since like saturday...if you know of any better videos please share...

that's the art of losing...

i look back on the past few days at my blog and michael's blog and everything i know of that was said pertaining to our situation...and i wonder-what has this accomplished? the problem was merely between me and michael but it seems everyone else has decided to step in and uumm voice their opinion and/or pass their judgement, as if it was their business. i'm disappointed, shocked, and very hurt from what this has turned into. its probably effected me more than i should have allowed it to but back to my question-after everything that has happened, from what i can see, nothing positive has been accomplished. michael is still not over me. i'm still going out with josh and like him just the same. and yes i still know that i'm not a very attractive person. its disappointing though to realize how many people don't like me...but i guess i set myself up for hate when i made this blog. i personally dont like being talked bad about or hated so i want to give people the least amount of stuff to use against me as possible, therefore i am ending this blog. goodbye

if the worlds at large why should i remain

allright i've done alot of thinking, i have alot of things to cover, and i'm probably about to offend a bunch of people. i'm pretty angry at the moment therefore i'm going to say what i want to say no matter how mean it is. the michael situation should be a good start. i shouldn't have dated him in the first place, the feelings obviously weren't mutual but i tried because he's a good person and very likeable and i thought he was worth the chance at the time. i dont necessarily regret it because i cant go back and change it ya know. i also cant control the way i truly feel about someone. i dont like him like he likes me and thats it, i just dont and never will, deal with it. i'm tired of having to feel bad for something i cant control, its not right; its also not fair for other people to get mad at me or judge me because of how michael currently feels. also, this is my blog...its for me, not anyone else...if you choose to read it thats fine, but its only respectful if you just keep your comments to yourself or just dont even read it if you only going to make fun of it. i can talk about whatever i want when i want on this...even josh, as much as i want to, if you have a problem with it just dont read it.theres lots more i want to say, i'll post later

she thinks she missed the train to mars, she's out back counting stars

today was pretty boring...went to church, home, and back to church...didn't get to see josh at all...i dont know what to do with michael, its really getting to me...you cant please everybody and you cant fix everything and i guess i have trouble dealing with that...

get sucked in and stuck in late nights with more folks that i dont know

i havent posted in a few days...yesterday was pretty boring-went to skool and josh came over and we watched skateboarding videos and Grand Theft Parsons(pretty funny movie). this morning i woke up to "boys in the hood" playing on the X(haha michael i sang it just for you!) and to realize my friend's halloween party was tonight, she called and gave me details(including that i HAD to wear a costume)before i was even fully awake. so we went to the thrift store in search of a costume and factory connection and stuff but had no luck...i was about to resort to borrowing nat's costume from yesterday(amy lee off of the "broken" video)...when josh drove up(pleasant surprise, seeing as we weren't even going to do anything today and i had tried to get in touch w/him when i was in pell city but failed), he brought me a rose(AAAAWWWEEE) and happened to have a work shirt and name tag in his car so i borrowed that and i already have his belt and a pair of shoes just like his, soooooo i was Josh tonight. i'm sure it would have been pretty awesome if more than 2 people at the party i went to even knew who he was haha. its ok cause i thought it was awesome. the party was allright, best part was the food.

just one kiss and i'm alive, one kiss and i'm ready to die, cause youre so beautiful yeah

sry i haven't posted in a few days-bloggers been fudgin up...i'm so tired...today was rather interesting. in 3rd block we started out cat dissections(CAT, I'M A KITTY CAT AND I DANCE DANCE DANCE AND I DANCE DANCE DANCE)...me and josh ended up being partners(yay) so that was really awesome-he was insanely into it, it was making our table kinda nervous haha. all we did today was peel the skin off and wrap it back up in the skin we'd just peeled off(fur coat?) ::pointless:: hhmm after skool me and josh hung out in the parking lot cause there was absolutely nothing better to do...it was pretty fun and he doesn't have to work tomorrow night so heck yes!

and after all, youre my wonderwall

i think i'm going to give up on october 25 from now on, just sit at home and do nothing because i hate this day. 1 year ago today me and ed started going out. today me and josh got in a massive fight that could have totally been avoided. i have LOADS of homework, ugh!!!!!!!! today effin sucked i just wanna go to sleep and wake up tomorrow!!!! i cant even write any more...

do you care if i dont know what to say, will you sleep tonight or will you think of me...

lets see...today i went to church and i got to sit in the very very back and watch michael screw up the projector thingy, haha...josh stopped by for a few minutes which was kool...then i went back to church and had dinner and went to ATROX which was freakin hilarious. i've never been to like a haunted house or anything...my group consisted of me, jenzen, katherine, emily, katie, and ryan...emily and katie left in the first room...i made ryan go first and i like latched on to him, i feel bad for him cause i like ran him into walls and stuff and stepped all over these strings on his pants which made him trip and stuff and i'm sure i like cut the circulation off in his arms from holding them so tight...it wasn't so much scary like at all, i just didn't like the uumm limited hallway space(claustrophobia) and the fact that the people could touch you...i dont want to go back to skool tomorrow...

and sweet sweet sweet surrender is all i have to give

today was pretty awesome...went and got my hair cut(she cut more off than i expected but i like it), went to the guad, and then we didn't have anything better to do so we went to ross(got like 2 pairs of pants). on our way back we saw a truck at the church, so of course carol turned around and assisted the customers in buying a pumpkin, and i went to dollar general and talked to ronnie. josh came over and we watched 2 movies, totally made my day...i prolly wont get to see him tomorrow though-gay...wow i'm really tired so i guess i'm going to bed...

if you feel like dying, you might wanna sing

i think those phone calls that last into the wee morning hours are starting to catch up with me...i'm so effin tired...i didn't even want to go to the football game so i stayed here, i'm about to watch a movie and hopefully fall asleep...i hope i'm not having a relapse...omg, josh wore my jeans today and they were SOOO CUTE, lol, i swear they look better on him than me, dead sexy haha...o yea, michael cant play during halftime at the game tonight hahahahahahaha. no quads for us! i'm gettin my hair cut tomorrow yay! wow that was all sooooo random...

sooner or later-we'll be lookin back on everything and we'll laugh about it like we knew what was happening...

yep...so i'm over my boring blog paranoia.... my day was allright...I PASSED ALL MY GRADUATION EXAMS ON THE FIRST TRY!!! that wouldn't be such an accomplishment if half the skool could seem to manage it also, lol. i didn't have to go to soccer practice yay! josh was a loser and decided not to come to skool cause he slept late because uuumm he stayed on the phone till freakin 2 this morning! he made up for it though cause he left extra early for church and hung out here for a while,::aawwee::...sucks he has to work tomorrow night and saturday...i wish they'd let him atleast transfer to leeds...one of the feelings i hate most that comes w/us humans is jealousy...o well it happens i guess

touch, i'll stand for nothing less, or never stand again, these are the limits when one's buried...

well michael has uum informed me that my posts are repeitive and thats why no one comments to my blog...so i have nothing more to say other than THE NEW CHEVELLE CD IS EFFIN AWESOME....

pull myself apart. just to feel something real. i close my eyes, i turn my back for one last time. i hold my breath, i fall asleep inside your arms.

worked today from like 9:45-1 at mother's day out...wasn't too bad at all, there were like 9 kids there...afterwards i was supposed to skateboard with josh...my mom got here and jenzen had a friend over and gabriel is sick and the house was a mess then dave came over and it was nothing but chaos...so i didn't end up callin josh till it was too late(after i had spent 2 hours cleaning half of the house) and he couldn't come over... he's sick anyways-he gave me whatever he has but somehow i dont have it near as bad as he does, i hope he gets better soon and i'm not about to get 10 times worse...after cleaning half the house, me and my mom moved on to the carport but since its raining we cant very well haul any of the junk away so i jus swept...alot. my mom also thinks that its really awesome that (gay) matt thompson has a huge half pipe in his backyard and she like wants to build me one now, lol...that would be really awesome, she's already almost for sure buying me a board for xmas. www.mysteryskateboards.com <<

so deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me, off guard, redhanded; now i'm far from lonely, asleep i still see you lying next to me...

lets see if i can remember what i was just trying to post before my computer fudged up...well me and josh mize are kool now i guess,judging by what i've heard so far from the new cd by THE USED, its soooooooo FREAKIN AWESOME>i highly recommend you go out and buy it RIGHT NOW!!! ugh i feel like crap, i hope its just allergies...maybe i wont have to play in my game tonight. josh has to work from like 4-close>>>GAY<<< but i guess its ok cause we've done stuff like every day for yea days...maybe tomorrow. i'm so bored, i think i'll go watch another movie...

but my thoughts were so loud i couldn't hear my mouth

well today perked up quite nicely...josh came and picked me up at like 5 and i had to be back at 9 due to yesterdays fiasco...but i didn't mind because i wasn't going to be able to hang out w/him at all in the first place...we went to the park and walked the track and skateboarded(yes once again i skateboarded today), then we went and saw josh's old house which is crazy because i know the ppl that live in it now and i've babysat over there before, then we went to movie gallery and looked at movies(compared to blockbuster), then we went to wal mart because theres nothing to do in moody...all the losers linger in wal mart which is why matt cole and his buddies found us in there haha jk...its ok it was still fun...i love being around josh...he makes my day

oh atleast you could try, just let me be closer, for this one last time, it could be allright

well last night was fun because i was with josh but more on the disasterous side all around, nothing turned out as planned...i wont even go into details...no one wants to sell pumpkins at the church and its pissing my youth director off-she jus sent half of us home...i dont really care...I OLLIED TODAY FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE JULY!!!WOOOHOOO!!!!!that totally made my day...

and if you have a minute why dont we go talk about it somewhere only we know?

well i am currently at my church selling pumpkins...ugh...actually we've sold a fair amount, better than i thought we would and i still have 2 and a half hours...ggggaaayyyy...anyways...last night was definitely grand-hung out w/josh after skool, he totally exploded a sunkist ALL OVER me and blake's truck, then we went to get his paycheck from pell city and watched a huge truck pulling an even huger trailor cut us off then almost hit us then actually hit a truck w/the trailor(it was crazy), then we got somethin to eat and went to the church and skateboarded(well he and dave did) for a while(it was pretty awesome), then i had to go change clothes because i just had pure sunkist and like hanburger stuff i dropped on me, and then we went to blake's and watched some movies and that was totally awesome...i love hanging out with josh...just being around him...too bad he's working the forever shift today(10-4) and has a family reunion tomorrow...people these days with their jobs and their families...gah...well i'm about posted out for now...

show me how we end this alright,show me how defenseless you really are,satisfied and empty inside, well that's all right, let's give this another try

wow guys today was quite eventful...i dont really feel like talking about it much because it doesn't make sense so its not even worth trying to explain...cliff notes of today-me and josh decided to make it official or whatever at like 2 this morning and then i got skool and it seems like he's avoiding me(ok so he wasn't talking to me at all), we start passing a note in 3rd and he just ends what little bit of nothing our relationship was so yea i amost had a nervous breakdown in the middle of class...but then after skool he came to my locker and was saying how confused he was and that he just felt like he needed to end it before it was too late and he appologized and we hung out in the parking lot for over 2 hours talkin and stuff...i like him too much for him to be doing this...

rain rain go away, come again another day, all the world is waiting for the sun

so now i'm a disappointment and a bad kid and i dont have my moms "blessing" because she believes moody gossip and descriminates against jehovah's witnesses and i like josh...i dont even care anymore...i wish she would cut me some slack and trust me but i guess thats a neg...kinda depressing but you know every good thing has a bad side to it, with josh its my mom...i dont know what to do but stick with it and hope she learns to live with it because its worth it, he's worth it...

to suffer now or nothings gained, then wake within a freezing sweat

so yea...i've decided that i'm just going to endure the interrogation from the maternal unit(who actually bought me a billabong hoodie and a hurley jacket today, following of course the process as always(get mad at me, get mad again when i dont talk to her and lecture about how "ignoring" is not the answer when youre mad, buy me new clothes)...as i was saying, i'm just going to not let her stuff get to me...josh is worth it...haha, he's gonna borrow some of my pants tomorrow and try to wear em to skool(if they fit)...should be quite a sight...

maybe i'll call or write you a letter

summary of today...skool was allright, perhaps pleasant...afterwards hung out with josh...according to my mom "josh has a bad reputation" and shes "heard stuff" about me too because she "does talk to ppl in moody", which to me could possibly be the worst reason because everyone knows how moody is and the fact that its my own mother believing gossip over my word is so insanely absurd that i'm not even going into that ...obviously rumors are flying so i'm going to keep my mouth shut and not post so much for a while i guess...i need time to work this out...

God, how i long, how i long, to grab thy hand and WALK

hey i actually drove a 5 speed today....anyways, things are working themselves out slowly but surely i suppose...despite religious differences/controversy on both sides i still want to pursue it with josh because i guess i like him that much...i've gotten to know him better lately and i have so much respect for him, maybe one day i'll tell him that, lol...he totally made my day today-i was out with my church putting up flyers for the pumpkin patch thing and we passed cvs and it was brought to my attention that josh was in the parking lot, so i borrowed a cell and called him from chevron(which was our last stop before returning to church) and he came over to the chevron and talked to me for a few minutes...he doesn't have to work tomorrow-i hope we get to hang out...well i'm tired...so yea...

once again your eyes make it hard to say goodbye so i'll just keep driving where you wanna go it doesn't really matter as long as you are here with me

i dont know what to say, my mom is pure descriminating and making up rules that dont even exist. so first i can't date till i'm 16(me and ed broke up 5 months before i turned 16), then when i turn 16 she says "you can't make your own decisions till youre 18"...so she decides who i can like and not like...one would think she would have stepped in and said something with the ed thing if that was the case...

so take care or, plead silence, weak hands are calling

wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow today was soooooooo tremendous....i dont even know what to say,i spent like all day with josh and silly string'd brad's car, lol, it was just great, i couldn't have asked for a better day...geez louise i cant even breathe...josh henderson is such a blessing...

like scarlet drips on a white tile floor. a cardiac metronome. we'll scrape the guardrail from out teeth and start again.

so napoleon dynamite is the best movie ever...hanging out with josh and nat was 1337 to teh maxorz!!!!!!!soccer practice was gay though cause my coach jus wants to point out everything wrong with us and stuff and his daughter is just evil and calls everyone names the whole time and talks about how she doesnt want to be there at all...she stepped on my freakin foot and it still hurts...she shoved me a good time or 2 also....pisses me off! but it doesn't matter cause tomorrow is homecoming game and i'm excited!!! yay!!!

its so much better, when seafoam green is in fashion....are you in?

well today was allright i guess...took a test and watched a movie first block, looked up gay definitions in 2nd, colored worksheets/sat in the lab/endured the usual torment(lol, i really dont care anymore), and took a test and slept 4th block...gonna watch NAPOLEON DYNAMITE when josh gets out of detention!!!yay!!! i'm excited, thats such a good movie!!!i have soccer practice though too in a little while which kinda sucks cause i dont like my coach and my back hurts...well i'll write more later...

Well if they're making it, then they're pushing it, and they're leading us along, the hassle of, all the screaming fits, that panic makes remorse

i feel like crap, soooo tired, horrible headache, just all around feel bad. and geez louise things are just going crazy. i'm trying so bad not to hurt people...but whatever i do someone is going to get upset and try to turn my words around on me. and i feel soooooooooo aweful for getting mad at josh h but i'm getting in truoble so i have to get offline i might be on later maybe not...ugh...

i tried my best to hide it. now its obvious. i wear it in these wounds that never heal. theres no saving us tonight

hey today was allright. skool was mighty boring though, cept for 3rd block cause me/josh h/trevin got in trouble in the lab because we're idiots and if you breathe wrong and youre not a prep then you automatically get in trouble...i actually didn't even mind 4th block because we watched a movie...afterwards went to the thrift store with josh h/paul/and joel, very fun...awesome people to hang out with...i was even like an hour and a half later than my mom really wanted me to be home and i tried to call and it was busy so i went ahead and had dinner, got home and she didn't even get mad it was awesome...ok so today was pretty great after all...wouldn't change a thing

babble bable, 1337 1337, rebel rebel, pwnage pwnage, sex sex sex, and dont forget the violence

hhmm today was rather boring...i'm extremely sore from the game...my back still hurts like a crazy mofo...we had a youth spaghetti lunch today at church(went to food world 4 times to get spaghetti sause, even brought some back and exchanged it once)...went to brookwood...got michael a really awesome shirt from hot topic...totally avoided my health project...went to youth, we ended up riding around in the van playin a totally pointless game, funniest thing was michael runnin face first into a branch in todd's yard in the pitch black dark...good times...

cause i'm just a teenage dirtbag baby, yea i'm just a teenage dirtbag

wow i'm in a really good mood, today was so awesome!!!(even though i got 4 and a half hours of sleep last night)now that all the michael stuff is worked out that drops my stress level by like 10 billion. i had a game at 10 this morning, we played the boys team and lost 4-0(maybe5) i dunno, but it was so much fun. it was like 9 thousand degrees(i think i sweated off 5 pounds) and we had 1 sub(they had atleast 6) so i played all but 5 minutes of the game. all the guys except the last one i marked were freakin midgets that could have easily run through my legs...they were like violent too, the last guy kept shoving me(i think thats how i hurt my back)...after the game, we went to bahama breeze for nat's bday which was fun because her family is awesome(she got the koolest phone ever)...then we went to the big lots and i finally got a new hair straightener(yay)...then to the thrift store cause jenz and kat needed homecoming stuff, i bought a really awesome suit jacket and the highlight of my day was finding A DRESS JUST LIKE DEB'S(OFF OF NAPOLEON DYNAMITE)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! jenzen looks alot like her but i dont know if she'll wear it wednesday, if not- i'm coming to skool in that mofo!!!i love it!

here comes the rain again, falling from the stars, drenched in my pain again, becoming who we are

well afte much late night/early morning discussion...it has been decided to uumm, how shall i put this...postpone the michael and madison...now isn't the right time....and no i dont hate michael for the post yesterday...we all have different ways of dealing with things...its understandable...well i have a soccer game at 10 so once again heres a short post for ya...

I'm writing again-These letters to you-Aren't much I know-But I'm not sleeping and-You're not here-The thought stops my heart-Do you notice I'm gone?-

hhhmmm, well today skool was pretty boring and uneventful. josh h is going to become severely injured(or markered) monday because he lied about letting me borrow Napolean Dynamite! josh m came and picked me up from skool and we went to brookwood. i've found that shopping always makes me feel better after something like a breakup, i guess its pretty convenient we've had this planned for a week. i bought a shirt from hot topic and 2 from american eagle. after shopping, we road around a little, came back here briefly, then went and met ronnie/ haley/ tracy/ joannie at wally world so ronnie and tracy could get some homecoming door decoration stuff. tried to give michael his "space" or whatever and we ended up not talking at all today(which is prolly for the best after reading his post)... and of course you know i cant finish this entry without commenting to his post from today...i dont even know what to say honestly...i'm utterly in shock...he must have done some serious "meditation" to go from thursdays post-"Madison was somehow different from other girls Ive either dated or liked in the past"---to---todays post-"How could you have liked a girl and gone out with Madison. I dunno. Did I? Hard to tell. I dont know"...welllllllllll you, see i did feel horribly aweful for introducing the breakup or whatever because it seemed to hurt him and as you can see from todays post he doesn't seem to be too very hurt or depressed or anything(seeing as he more than likely liked someone else all along and has for like 3-4 years, geez)...now i feel horrible for falling for something like that, then again it doesn't surprise me because thats just my luck with guys...lose/lose situation for me i guess you could say...but hey i did get 3 new shirts...asldkfj;akrjt;iajgaie;ji-928358u fjkajsdpq48up08u ;aijdfioquw4p85uqp2tpaoisdfjuiergyurhyq8a;fkjdaopiut84

and it's true we named our children after towns we've never been to...and we were done done done with all the fug fug fuggin around....

wow today has been hectic...1st block worked nonstop, 2nd block almost failed the cpr certification test, 3rd block took a massive lab test on 5 million bones(prolly failed), 4th block wrote essays, and then after skool i went back to my 1st block class to make up 2 tests...had to walk home, which wouldn't have been so gay if i wasn't carrying my 2 biggest books and every dog w/in a 5 mile radius barked till i got out of sight...i actually took a nap when i got home i was so tired, only to wake up just before i had to get ready for soccer practice...tonight was "hit madison above the waist" night, blocked 2 shots to the boobs, got hit in the head with the ball and natalies fist...my coach is really gay and doesn't like me and natalie at all, he jus thinks all we do is cause trouble, he actually had the nerve to separate us on a drill tonight because he thought we were talkin or somethin when we weren't...his daughter did nothing but stick w/her friend and talk bad about everyone on the team and not even try when we scrimmaged and hit me(her own teammate) in the head from a few feet away(she kicks very hard)...just to clear something up-me and michael didn't break up because of ed...by the time you're reading this post you've probably already read michael's from today...very upsetting if i must say so myself, dont really know how to respond to it...i dont regret it ending...its just that you can't avoid the stuff thats going to be awkward after something like that happens, no matter how much you want to...i feel bad for hurting him so much and screwing up our friendship and stuff....yea....

don't aaaaask me, don't aaaask me,dont aaaask me, ask me, ask me, ask me how i've been

well as you've probably already read from michael's blog...the michael and madison experiment is officially over as of today...it just got weird, we're better off just friends. i dont know...being single right now feels more right than wrong i guess. dont really feel like talkin...

We spend most of our lives relying on promising goodbyes

well today was interesting, good and bad...I FINALLY WON IN ANATOMY>>>i left w/out a mark of anything on me while josh and brad each left w/marker on them(from yours truly), thats enough to make my day, lol. met some new ppl...heard from an old...ironic instances are most deadly.wow i cant stop listening to "leaving town" by dexter freebish...stuck in my head since they sang it saturday...well i really dont have anything more to say and i need to study for a vocab quiz and a cpr certification test...