i can't have friends and a boyfriend

it never works

ever

its so weird to look at everyone now that i've known for years
girls are catching pregnancy like its the plague
those who've managed to avoid, seem to have some idea what they want to do with their life

not me

i'm taking classes and getting bored with them
working the same jobs i have been for almost 2 years...and getting bored with them

i dont belong in food
and i'm not good at selling

changing my haircolor to satisfy that need in general for change....well its becoming unhealthy for my hair

i guess adam helped that out for the few weeks he was here
now he calls me constantly....to get angry and upset, and goes to the other end of the state to get away from me....

goddamn, in my last post i asked him not to use me and leave me.....i have become one of my own personal hatreds, ben

not ben tolar the person, what ben did to me

i turned around 6 months later and did it to someone else

what does that make me?

Vi sitter här i venten och spelar lite DOTA

don't use me and leave me, please

is it ok to miss you?

i'm taking a vacation
i've never been so excited in my life
12 hours away from alabama
7 days(if i'm lucky)


i need this


maybe we both need this


i feel like i'm driving you crazy
but some things must be said
from me, i just want you to sit down and listen
no phone, no internet
full attention in person

i try to live with no regrets....but i was thinking tonight and never have i wanted so bad to go back in time and tell myself that i should do everything within my power to keep you from moving back home...taking that step backwards

or maybe that was my mind speaking after just reading the new palahniuk book

who knows
i dont know myself these days

after 2 years...i still dont know what to write in this thing

i cry because youre just not here

i have those dreams because thats the only way i know for sure that i'll lose you

awesome realization tonight

hating ben is pointless

i have cody now, and he makes me too happy to hate

haikus

chaos surrounds me
in the calm, i stand alone
makes me feel alive


welcome to e b
empty cases surround you
i will sell you lies


reserve it here
even though is can't exist
we just want your cash


sleepy faces smile
cheeseball fingers paint pictures
laughter fills the air