and it's true we named our children after towns we've never been to...and we were done done done with all the fug fug fuggin around....

wow today has been hectic...1st block worked nonstop, 2nd block almost failed the cpr certification test, 3rd block took a massive lab test on 5 million bones(prolly failed), 4th block wrote essays, and then after skool i went back to my 1st block class to make up 2 tests...had to walk home, which wouldn't have been so gay if i wasn't carrying my 2 biggest books and every dog w/in a 5 mile radius barked till i got out of sight...i actually took a nap when i got home i was so tired, only to wake up just before i had to get ready for soccer practice...tonight was "hit madison above the waist" night, blocked 2 shots to the boobs, got hit in the head with the ball and natalies fist...my coach is really gay and doesn't like me and natalie at all, he jus thinks all we do is cause trouble, he actually had the nerve to separate us on a drill tonight because he thought we were talkin or somethin when we weren't...his daughter did nothing but stick w/her friend and talk bad about everyone on the team and not even try when we scrimmaged and hit me(her own teammate) in the head from a few feet away(she kicks very hard)...just to clear something up-me and michael didn't break up because of ed...by the time you're reading this post you've probably already read michael's from today...very upsetting if i must say so myself, dont really know how to respond to it...i dont regret it ending...its just that you can't avoid the stuff thats going to be awkward after something like that happens, no matter how much you want to...i feel bad for hurting him so much and screwing up our friendship and stuff....yea....

don't aaaaask me, don't aaaask me,dont aaaask me, ask me, ask me, ask me how i've been

well as you've probably already read from michael's blog...the michael and madison experiment is officially over as of today...it just got weird, we're better off just friends. i dont know...being single right now feels more right than wrong i guess. dont really feel like talkin...

We spend most of our lives relying on promising goodbyes

well today was interesting, good and bad...I FINALLY WON IN ANATOMY>>>i left w/out a mark of anything on me while josh and brad each left w/marker on them(from yours truly), thats enough to make my day, lol. met some new ppl...heard from an old...ironic instances are most deadly.wow i cant stop listening to "leaving town" by dexter freebish...stuck in my head since they sang it saturday...well i really dont have anything more to say and i need to study for a vocab quiz and a cpr certification test...

meet me in oooouuuttteeerrrr space, we could spend the night, watch the earth come up, i've grown tired of that place, won't you come with me?

well...definitely went to BFD2....freakin awesome, best concert i've ever been to...i'm learning that the more people you go with-the more fun it is...hhmm lets see, jump little children was a bit eccentric(the had a cello player and an accordian player...), dexter freebish was really awesome(my 2nd fave), the rising was also good(saw them at crawfish boil in may), ben kweller reminded me of Wayne, and INCUBUS WAS JUST @#$%$%^%&#@@#$%@#^asf$!$^vACFTQ#QFC@%$#$Q#FCAG%#$@ AWESOME!!!!

i'll spread my wings and i'll learn how to fly, i'll do what it takes till i touch the sky....

16 hours till the gates open!!!!!!!!!!i can't even wait!!!!!!!!woohooooooo!!!!!INCUBUS!!!!!!!!AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!::happy dance::...today was great fun, lol...skool was boring of course, but the game and 5th quarter were really awesome...yea tonight i was definitely tremendous...

its allright to tell me what you think about me....i guess this is growing up

"a day late, a buck short, i'm writing the report"....lol, the story of my life...i like those lyrics. one more graduation exam to go yay! well i finally got the ticket confusion worked out...even if they're 3rd tier nosebleed tickets because i thought i was getting my tickets for free but never heard back from that friend...i can't wait! bandon boyd in the same uumm amphitheatre as me, WWWWWOOOOOWWWWWW can't even breathe...

i dont want a conversation...and i dont wanna fall to pieces....

too much negative stuff going on that i dont really feel like talking about...not in a real talkative mood at all right now, too much on my mind...a single person is amazing, but gosh i hate people so much...

you broke another mirror, youre turning into something you are not

well seems like today was B*TCH AT MADISON DAY...if you missed the memo, don't worry here's your chance to tell me your problem with me...go right on ahead, dont hold back now...no one else has so far today...i dont feel like writing much more, maybe tomorrow will be better....

its getting dark, too dark to see, feel i'm knockin on heaven's door

well today was pretty splendid. michael picked me up for skool since we dont have like any time this week to hang out in the afternoon. i had to take the retarded language graduation exam because i havent taken ANY since i didn't live in this state last year. i missed like most of 1st and 2nd period and i have to take one like every day this week...wouldn't be so bad if i didn't have to make up the work, lol...josh h was back at skool from having some nice hernia surgery(its becoming a conspiracy with my guy friends lately...kinda creepy...makes you wonder...how exactly did that hernia uumm happen...haha), that was kool cause i got to wear one of his shoes that look like mine that've been lost since we moved...but i found em about 30 minutes ago so that totally made my day!!! i also got to see a human skeleton in 3rd period, so that was pretty awesome.4th period wasn't even that incredibly boring because we watchd a few movies(gave me time to write a note, lol). after skool i got to see josh's h's awesome new skateboard. josh m came over and then michael came over for a little while before he went to church. nat had car trouble so josh m gave us a ride to practice and stuff. practice was really fun...it was kinda cold(but soccer in the cold is better than soccer in the hot), we didn't do any retarded drills(the were fun today, surprisingly), we scrimmaged eachother the last 30 minutes or so and i had to guard natalie which is always fun because we jus pretty much beat the crap out of eachother fighting for the ball, i even scored, yay for me!!! and on the way home josh actually let me drive his car a little...so yea...fun day for me!

it's a nice day for a white wedding

this could get long so bear bare bair with me, friday i got up real early and we ended up leaving for dear old dothan at like 8. it was me, gabriel, my grandfather in one vehicle and my dad, steve(the best man), and jenzen in the other. it s 3.5 hour drive, we got caught in a little bit of the hurricane traffic but as soon as 65 split and we went west and the mobile ppl continued south it cleard up immediately. we stopped about halfway to get me and jenzen shoes to wear at the wedding...my dad's criteria for the shoe was black, not tall/thin heel, and close toed. in about 5 minutes i found an awesome pair of flat old-lady looking shoes w/a little flower on em, they were soooo cute! after i carried em around the store for 20 minutes my dad decided to tell me that he wanted me to get shoes with a heel and not so old lady looking, gee thanks dad! so after much debate (and odd but rather knowledgable advice from the best man, i swear he knew more about womens shoes than me and jenzen put together)i ended up with a pair of insanely uncomfortable high heeled dress shoes. after checking into the hotel, we went to ana(dads new wife)'s parents house to have the rehearsal which went smoothely. rehearsal dinner was back at the hotel, the food was really awesome and the toasts were really good. the best one was my adds friend carrie's(we were at her table), she got up and played the accordian(her newest hobby) and told the story of how she introduced my dad and ana. saturday i got up and went to a brunch for ana at like 10, afterwards me, jenzen, carrie, maaike(carrie's friend from the netherlands), and kathy(anas friend from skool) went and got manicures. i had a nice conversation with the guy painting my nails, he couldn't have been too much older than me. he's been doing nails for 4 years and its a family business, theyre from vietnam. he's currently going to skool in oxford learnin about planes and piloting and stuff, but he'll graduate in december. i like having conversations like that with people i dont know and probably wont ever see again. well best of luck to him(dont even know his name) and he did my nails great, lol. after the manicures we chilled back at the hotel for a while then got ready and went to the ceremony site to have pics made and whatnot. after that it was the WEDDING! it was done outside and it was so awesome! the weather was perfect, not too hot and not too cold and not a cloud in the sky. nobody fell or walked the wrong way or cried to excessively. after the actual ceremony, the reception was held on the other side of the yard. there was sooooooo much food and it was all awesome. the band was beyond cheesy(but hey, thats in the occupation criteria right?). cheesy as they were, we all danced anyways(yes i did dance...sshhhh). we were also once again serenaded by carries accordian, she can literally play anything if you hum her the tune, its so awesome. ana has like the greatest family in the world, everyone is just awesome and so much fun to be around, i'm so grateful to be (legally) related to them, lol, she and my dad are very good for eachother(theyre like the happiest couple i've ever met, i swear, i just hope i can be like half as happy as them one day,lol), and i'm sure they'll be even happier in Costa Rica for the next 10 days... anyways, today things went by really slow, i didn't get home till like 9, ugh, but its ok. i wanted to go to the college fair with josh but spending time with family you dont get to see often beats that. hehe, i missed michael tremendously, and due to phone complications we didn't get to talk hardly at all but we both survived so its ok...well i'm done writing books, if i was there and you just read this whole thing i'd shake your hand.

WOOHOO WOOHOO HOO HOO

hhmm i fell asleep on the porch as the "worst" part of the storm hit...haha...got to talk to josh on the phone which was kool...FINALLY got to go hang out w/michael and watch Kill Bill(1st one and almost all of the 2nd one, yay), interesting movies i must say, i like em sooooo yea you should go see them. then again who actually pays attention a movie when your watching it with someone...jk...it was great fun...

i wanna be good, i wanna be great, i wanna be everything except for your mistake

well the storms sposed to be getting really bad right about now...i've been trapped in the house all day...411's closed...the wedding's still on but we're not going down there till in the morning...might possibly get to watch KILL BILL tonight, yay! well i'm going to go sit on the porch and enjoy the rain...

and on the way down, i saw you, and you saved me from myself, and i wont forget the way you loved me

hhmmm let's see...i was late to church because my brother decided to go to the neighbors house and not tell anyone...but youth got cancelled so i went to michael's to watch Kill Bill, we had watched like 20 minutes of it and his grandparents and mother came home early and kinda changed the movie...so we watched Hidalgo...it didn't really make sense but i didn't really care cause i got to hang out with michael so...yea...

by wednesday i can't sleep...

today was allright...i'm just sittin here eating icing by the spoonfulls...no more skool for me(well and a large percentage of the state) for the rest of the week so i guess its kool. prolly wont have electricity for a few of days which sucks. i'm kinda nervous cause everyone at skool was just unpluggin stuff, and tying stuff down, and there was talk of truckoads of sand bags being hauled to the skool today and stuff. josh is going to tennessee today and coming back friday(to avoid the weather)...he got me a really kool keychain last night, its a soccer ball w/a face on it and when you squeeze it the eyeballs like bug out and theyre like gooey...its awesome....wow i've had like 6 spoonfulls of straight up icing...i'm ready for church...

by tuesday i am fading...

let's see...michael came and picked me up a little while ago(we couldn't stay at the house cause jenzen is sick), we went out to eat then to the park and walked around the track a few times...it was fun. looks like we might possibly be missing some skool(football game...soccer practice/game...) the next few days due to sir ivan el hurricano...theres even talk of the postponation of my dads wedding saturday...crazy stuff...i, personally, am pretty excited about the whole thing. as sick and twisted as it sounds, i love thunderstorms with lots of rain and stuff...not the ones to the point of destruction but just lots and lots of rain...

do i expect to change,the past i hold inside.with all the words i say,repeating over in my mind.some things you cant erase no matter how hard you try

hhmmm, today was allright...guess what-I LEARNED HOW TO USE A CALCULATOR WOOHOO, haha...i have to take all the dang graduation exams too because i havent taken any before, so its pretty gay. i want to go for a walk or a run or something...i desperately need to clear my mind and walking/running is pure therapy...well i'll write more later...

.........

well you see...playing soccer for many years straight then quitting for a few years and playing again i've found there are a few changes...the main one being that i officially suck at it. we lost 2-1. they only scored with lucky shots. i started off the game on the bench, which i've never done in my entire life. then i played defense, which i've played very very very few times. it also didn't help that we played the team that has pretty much the 2 best players in the league(i've been playing against them since i was like 8 and theyre really awesome...). on top of all of that my mom had just gotten so mad at me before i left to go with natalie right after skool just because natalie didn't bring the directions to the game for me to copy for my mom, yes she pretty much grounded me for someone elses actions and she told me that. so my mom came to the game but wouldn't relaly even speak to me because she was mad at me so it was pretty freakin gay. my dad was also there, and my moms always in a horrible mood when he comes around. then on the way home i realized that my next game and first date with michael(saturday) just happen to be on the day my dad is getting married in tuscaloosa and i have to go to that not only because its my dads but because i'm a bridesmaid. o yea and today i found out that graduations exams are all next week and i have to take all of them because i havent taken any because i didn't live in this state last year. and i got to take some stupid practice test in the morning. gay i swear i've had the worst night. i just want to hear some good news of some kind....

on a monday i am waiting...

let's see...today was pretty good, better than i thought(helped alot that uumm josh h and brad weren't at skool)anyways...like half the skool knows already, including josh m...i hate having to tell ppl things knowing its going to hurt them, but i didnt think he liked me all that much anyways...4th period was pretty gay, got called out to go to that stupid graduation exam orientation, then sat in class bored until bunch of gay cheeleaders came in and were jus makin fun of natalie over the announcements and of course i gave one a mean look and they all turned around and looked at me haha...but yea i dont really care. MY FIRST SOCCER GAME IS IN A FEW HOURS AAAHHHHHHHHH...well wish me luck...

and be a simple kind of (wo)man, be something you love and understand

i guess you could say alot has happened since the last time i posted, because well... it has, lol...saturday went to the Learn About Nerds Party and i drove a plane and killed a guy so i guess thats good cause i'm jut not quite the gamer, then me and michael went to dinner and hung out at my house till like 11...sunday-went to church and stuff then michael and josh came over which was really a very bad idea but its not like i planned it like that or anything...yea that was quite disasterous, i dont recomment it. then we all went to the judgement house in leeds and it was pretty kool cept for the uumm competition between josh and michael, that was pretty brutal. but yea, josh left like right after we got back to the church cause he didn't feel well...me and michael stayed there after everyone was gone and talked for like 45 minutes, then decided it'd prolly be better to go to my house and sit in the driveway and talk, which we did till like 10:30...worked a lot of stuff out...we're kinda somewhat dating now, not really official cause we havent been on a "date" or whatever but yea...i actually feel good about this decision lol...i kept trying to find a way to make everyone else and myself happy and thats just impossible so i gave in and did what i thought would be the right thing to do all along, haha...so we'll see how this goes, lol. josh is a kool kid, dont get me wrong...i still want to be friends and stuff,but he likes alot of girls besides me and can be kind of mean(even if he doesn't realize it) at times, but its ok. i dont know, michael treats me like no one else does...like he really cares or somethin, haha...well i'm rambling and not making sense and theres so much more i want to say but i'm getting kind of tired so later it is...

i'm not an addict, maybe that's a lie

skool went by pretty fast(still boring)...i live so close to the skool that a bunch of ppl jus crashed at my house before the game and we all walked there, it was kool. i got to hang out with josh till he decided to leave after halftime and then not go to 5th quarter or anything, but whatever. i'm not gonna get all mad or anything cause i had still had fun. michael and deason did the wave for me with the quads, lol, it was pretty awesome. 5th quarter was fun even if there wasn't that many people there, hehe...i guess it a good thing josh wasn't there cause i got to hang out w/michael and we havent hung out in a while...i dont know i got these crazy mixed feelings towards him(and posting this online prolly isn't the best thing, lol) but i guess it'll work itself out...anyways, haha michael you got rolled...its ok cause i'll help clean up...YAY LANPARTY IN A FEW HOURS HAHAHA!!!! well i'm fallin asleep so...yea....

the ocean breathes salty

well today wasn't as bad as i thought thank goodness. skool went by way smoother than yesterday...no marker to the face...josh came over after skool and jumped on the trampoline(though we never seem to do the jumping part, we always end up sitting and talking...but hey i'm not complaining)...soccer practice was kind of gay cause we stood in our positiong for 45 minutes while the coach talked and then we scrimmaged eachother for like 20 minutes. i got my uniform, which is good...i'm number 17...my lucky number is 13, but the coaches daughter grabbed it before i could...17's kool though. my first game isn't till monday, yay. that means LANPARTY FOR ME SATURDAY, YAY! lol...actually i'm going to go and make a total fool of myself and get pure pwned because i'm just not that 1337. haha....i really wanna go to ramp n speed sooooo bad...

post dedicated to sam

thanks for you support sam(its more appreciated then you'll ever know)...i miss going to skool with you Mr. Frat Boy! hehe...lets take a look into the past and remember some nice vincent moments. "hey girl with the pink hair, why dont you carry a backpack instead of carrying all those books?"...or HURDLES, enough said about that...Make Yourself-Incubus....a buddy to sit with/fall asleep on on the bus, lol. well, i miss you and i love you and i hope to see you soon!

hhhmmm

i'm having a hard time figuring out what the best for me is right now(judging by my options)...knowing that would make this decision a whole lot easier...Michael-its funny you post about that because that question has been in the back of my mind for days now (who really seems to care about me?), honestly....who do you think? and why?

well guess so

yep so today is definitely the worst day(besides the day ed broke up with me)...i knew it was going to be when i found out some stuff last night, but thats even too secretive for this thingy...first block was somewhat awkward(not willing to talk about it),we had to take stupid club pics which wasnt too horribly bad because i stayed in the gym and talked to ppl, 2nd block was pretty boring, i got attacked on the face by crazy ppl w/markers in 3rd block(red, blue, yellow streaks everywhere), and 4th block felt extra long and full of bore(history notes to the max). art club meeting was gay because the guys didn't even come for the first half of it then when we all went and sat at the table it just turned into a massive religious debate; i mean i'm a christian and i want people to go to church get saved and stuff but its just wrong to tell someone that their beliefs are wrong because they dont believe the same as you. i was thoroughly embarassed to have the same beliefs as those girls that was criticizing my friends...well i'm about to go to church, maybe things'll get better...

just a day, just an ordinary day

today was pretty ordinary...skool pictures were cancelled so i guess it wasn't all that bad. though i do find being called a SOB for having the same belt as someone is rather irrational, but thats him for ya. i got a dress for my dad's wedding (in a few weeks),i get to be a bridesmaid yay, it was pretty fun cause i havent bought a dress in a long time. my first soccer game is saturday, i'm nervous already! i havent been to the last 2 practices so i'll prolly be benched anyways. i'll try to get some more poetry up here soon i guess...

who's lost their mind now

it wasn't me after all, lol, though sometimes i wish i could but that would be the easy way out. dont you hate that feeling you get when you've misplaced something you absolutely need and you can't find it for anything?well i do and i've been walking around the past week or so knowing in the back of my mind i was missing something very important, and even worse was that i knew what it was. so yea michael really was avoiding me, probably a more intelligent thing than he'll ever know or claim. made me realize some things...i wont go into them all but yea, i take him for granted WAY more than i should and never take the time to tell him how much he really means to me which is probably way more than he thinks(i dont think i realized myself how much that was until this past week). i love you and thanks for being there even when i'm a pure bitch to you.

I dont mind you coming here, wasting all my time

I am a thinker and a true blonde
I wonder what you really think of me
I hear my thoughts echo in my head
I see more than you think I do
I want to make the right decisions

I pretend to ignore subtle hints
I touch your soul when you truly know me
I worry that I'm too "close minded"
I cry when all else fails
I am a thinker and a true blonde

I say less than I probably should
I dream perhaps too much
I try to be true to myself
I hope you won't judge me
I am a thinker and a true blonde