i'm not a miracle, and youre not a saint...

sorry i havent been posting alot lately...just havent felt like it. i have a page on myspace now too. my friend's sposed to be on his way over here to watch napoleon dynamite, but i dont think he's coming. me and josh are still apart, i still hate it,and i would still get back with him if given the chance. i decided to take my prom dress back, seeing as i dont have a date at all, and am not going to find one worth going with while wearing a dress i paid that much for. so i found the receipt and at the bottom of it was stamped in BIG BOLD RED letters "NO REFUNDS, NO EXCHANGES, NO EXCUSES". but after much negotiation and telling of my saga (stupid teenage girl goes and buys overly priced dress w/out parental consent, gets broken up with and doesn't want to go to prom now), they say i can bring it back. we have to drive like an hour and a half to get there. we walk in and the old, decrepit, senile woman behind the counter gives us a look like she wishes us to die right then and there. we walk up and say we called about bringing a dress back...etc...w/out saying anything, she takes the dress to the back and takes the plastic bag off of it and i guess makes sure i didn't wear it or somethin. she comes back around and throws the bag in a chair and sits down to write the check. before she begins to write she has the nerve to insult my intelligence by saying "teens these days are so illiterate" as she points at the sign behind her that states "no refunds, no exchanges". i would have said somethin to her about it if she wasn't writing me a check at the time. i'm dressless and dateless and natalie still wants me to go to prom-if i find a dress, she'll find me a date...already have a prospect. so anyways, i got my money and have already spent some of it. sry elin i totally copied you and bought a colorsplash. if you havent bought yours yet-dont buy it from the lomography site, they have em for $52 at amazon. i was going to get the holga but you have to special order the film-GAY. o yea, this is funny-one of my friends exes (aka "the crazy bitch", yes that is what she is known by) has decided that she wants to like beat me up because i'm apparently trying to "steal" him from her. 1) theyre not dating, 2) i dont even remotely have feelings like that for him, 3) i'm not a violent person, in fact i'm prolly one of the least violent ppl you'll ever meet...its not worth it to even try to pick a fight with me, so dont try. well thats about my life right now...hope you enjoyed it...sry so boring

i'm gonna get massacred for this one, have at it guys... october 8-march 24

to the most amazing yet disappointing relationship yet. to the most amazing yet disappointing guy i've known yet. you will be missed, but i'm moving on. "our" song...in memory of "us".

"Open Arms"-Journey

Lying beside you.
Here in the dark
Feeling your heart beat
With mine
Softly you whisper
You're so sincere
How could our love
Be so blind

We sailed on together
We drifted apart
And here you are by my side

So now I come to you
With open arms
Nothing to hide
Believe what I say
So here I am
With open arms
Hoping you'll see
What your love means to me
Open arms

Living without you
Living alone
This empty house seems so cold
Wanting to hold you
Wanting you near
How much I wanted you home

But now that you've come back
Turned night into day
I need you to stay
So now I come to you
With open arms
Nothing to hide
Believe what I say
So here I am
With open arms
Hoping you'll see
What your love means to me
Open arms

love or lust or a combination of the two...hell, maybe neither

a little math for ya, on spring break and everything

m=madison/methodist
j=josh/jehovah's witness

m+j= religously illegal relationship, lots of punishment from the parents, some good times, best friends if you will

mx+j=happy, successful relationship; approval from j's parents
m+jx=happy, successful relationship; approval from m's parents

x=1/2 (the 1/2 being the religion part)

but this m's not x'n and that j's not x'n either so now

m+j=nothing

yay baby chicken!!!! 

dont count your chickens before they hatch 

we used a super hot straightener too, like the way it makes my layers look. 

you prolly cant tell, but its a few shades lighter on top and a few shades darker underneath. i like it. 

This is only one,Temporary find,I'm sure before too long,You will change your mind

this was just given to me a little while ago, it was written by the three of us in 1st block clothing design during the first semester of our sophomore year. i feel like posting it becase i'm on a poetry tangent. every line of that has a different meaning. good times, good times.

Weasle Furrow

I chopped off my pinky toe
it makes me giggle
sometimes I call my dog Moe
this song is so figgle
no more horizontal lines!!
silly rabbit
... you know I like you in those "jeans"!!
such an evil habbit
Jesus Jones
I saved my first waff for you
no bones
I'm a chicken moo!
triad x 2 = Jew!! (x3)
khaki purse fading
curse the H's
comiserating
screw the wages
buy no goldfish
crackers took over
make a wish
here's a leafless clover
fingernails broken
harry potter glasses
chuck-e-cheese token
backstage passes
I'm an oxymoron
the antelopes fly free
5th element is boron
the weather affects my knee

Composed by:
Madison Newport
Maranda Ashe
Emily Lenski

will you be my cyanide catharsis?

this is the first free verse poem i've ever written. i wrote it last night as a last minute thing to have something to turn in with my literary magazine application. feel free to take a guess at what its about, theres an interesting story about it. guess what?, i am now a member of the 2005-2006 Between the Lines Literary Magazine staff , w00t!!!!

Cellular Breakup

A device with evil mechanism sits next to me

It has the power to control my feelings

With every button there’s a portion of a curse

But it’s only a tool in your master plan

Through the screen you portray your plot

Held to my ear, the steps are implanted

With each ring, I become more seduced

Your scheme is so careful, check before send

I’m so close to giving in, but not quite yet

This technology just isn’t enough

Your malice is too thick for the antennae to receive

You resort to your presence, the most deadly attack

I can now see the anger

I can now feel the rage

You can now smell my fear

You can now taste my defeat

In your mind, the only way to be happy is through pain

You must rid yourself from any hindrance

I’ve gotten too close; you glimpsed what happiness should be

I saw it in your smile and heard it in your laugh

It was there, but it has to go, we have to go, I have to go

what renovating means to me:

Rusty nails to the max
Enough soot inhaled to collapse a lung
No electricity
Only 3 walls in the bathroom
Vacuum de Shop saves the day
Always step on the rafters
Trash bags full of insulation
Every man for himself

so sick, so sick of being tired, and o so tired of being sick

2 hours of sleep last night, i'm making progress. this morning my mom finally realized how stupid it was for me to even be coming to school in the morning, because i would go there only to sit 3 BLOCKS in the gym. yea thats 4 and a half hours(not counting the 30 minutes for lunch) in a loud, hot, idiot infested high school gymnasium, sitting on the most uncomfortable bleachers ever created. i've spent alot of quality time on those damn bleachers this week. thus i have concluded that if they were any narrower, we wouldn't be able to sit/lay on them w/out falling off every time; if they were any wider, we would be able to sit/lay on them ALMOST comfortably. they're perfectly uncomfortable. as i was saying, i had permission to leave after we took 1st block roll, but josh didn't wake up till like the 3rd or 4th time i called, which was at 7:30. we were going to be dismissed at a little after 8. he lives 25 minutes from school and still had to shower and stuff. he didn't make it and of course today was like the only day hitler(vice principal) came in the gym, just as we were making progress in sneaking out(ok we were standing in the middle of the gym admiring the talent show equipment, when everyone who was really sposed to be setting up left. so we lost). due to exam complications, we didn't get to leave till like 11:30; went and got lunch and watched some of the notebook. i miss hangin out w/him like that so bad since he's been grounded. he gets ungrounded monday, but he says things aren't going to change (cause there is this small restriction his parents gave him having to do w/me,to sum it up- he's never suposed to associate w/me ever again). i dunno, we're young and stupid and just wont give up i guess. anyways, the talent show was really good...paul, you so rocked! you, paul sisson, and joel pretty much WERE the talent show, lol. makes me really look forward to the lit mag though. the drumline kicked ass too(michael, you should have played!). theres lots more to tell, but i'm goin back to bed.

random ramblings of the sleepless mind

i got 1 hour of sleep last night, yes 1, 60 minutes....and i blame it all on the fact josh finally got his phone back sunday...yea,and his mom circled where it said 270 min. for one call between us on the last bill,i'm pretty sure we went a few minutes past that last night(how ironic, he just came to the door)...<-typed that this morning during 2nd block.

anyways, i went to bed at a little after 5 am, woke up at a little after 6am; finally got to take a nap at 5 pm...i asked to be woken up a few hours later, upon which my sister deemed it necessary to come in at 7, lean entirely too close to my face, and scream,scream scream scream loud loud loud. if i wasn't so out of it, i would have kicked her in the throat(ok i'm not really the violent type). needless to say, i need sleep.

rant-everyday i hate our educational system more and more. can graduation not come any sooner? i am now praying daily that i can work it out to where i graduate in the fall.::crosses fingers::

funny-i have somehow been sucked into some drama(no, not like a play) at school. some guy supposedly named "josh" called some girl(that i dont even know, dont think she even goes to our school or anything) and said something kind of rude. i was asked the next day if it was my josh, whereas i explained that that was impossible at the time seeing as he didn't have his phone, didn't have access to a phone, and was sick so he had gone straight home and went to sleep, not waking til the next morning.<-that was last week, by today the story is now-i know this girl from somewhere and i have recently talked to her, saying that it was probably josh that called. its only humorous because the ppl spreading this dont even talk to me; on top of that, anyone that knows me knows that i dont talk to many ppl in the first place(purposely), much less get myself involved in stupid isht like that. i mean come on, i have enough of my own right? why would i want some one elses? gotta love high school drama

i'm eating "cheese and sour cream" chips w/sour cream. is that legal?

i bought this cd today at target...$5.99...OMG HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!?!?!?! i <3 JEFFERSON AIRPLANE!!!!!!!

heck yes!

"One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small,
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all.
Go ask Alice
When she's ten feet tall."

shit ass bitch ass shit of a cousin=me

today i failed at everything, i suck at life

Let me crawl into your lap and just lay here for awhile
Satisfied by your seduction like a handshake would do the job
Never know how long I have waited, anticipated your smile to be
pressed against mine
Well I feel it. (oh boy) and I'm gonna settle tight

i'm in a glass box of emotion!!!!

ok so i'm a little angry...107.7 the x is being the monopoly bitch it is and has taken over z100.5...this sucks because i have(well had) recently given up hope on the x because all they did in the morning was talk and when they finally played music, it was the same songs over and over forever and ever, not even really good songs usually-but if it was good then they were definitely going to play it out until it lost its goodness. 100.5 played awesome music too, that 107.7 never played-death cab, postal service, snow patrol, straylight run, kings of leon, tegan and sara,rilo kiley, citizen cope, ben folds, and taking back sunday.::sigh:: i guess this is why i dont normally listen to the radio...geez louise